Although A just turned 4 she is very tall and she looks older than 4. In addition to this I know I am a very sensitive person. I know I shouldn’t care what others think of me but I do. I care very much. The combination of these 2 things typically makes public places a disaster.
For the longest time, John and I thought that A was going to get better at some point. Now we realize that this is a process that will need to be managed so that things don’t continue to get worse… Having a child that is constantly melting down when they are only 2 or 3 years old is considered acceptable. But all the sudden when the child looks to be 5 or 6 it is no longer ok. And A looks like a “normal” child. This didn’t dawn on me until this past weekend when we were in church.
A was having an incredibly difficult time at church. There must have been sensory issues involved as well as constraints that weren’t ok with her. She was trying very hard to keep it together but wasn’t able to. I could sense the people around us getting tense and uncomfortable. I imagined them thinking “why can’t you control your child”. I found this very humiliating and my thoughts of the future were very bleak.
I’m not really sure how to handle situations like this. Do I have to open up all aspects of my life to explain why A acts the way she does? Do I sit there in humiliation while others are staring at me in annoyance? Am I wrong in my thinking that people are annoyed with us? I truly doubt it. This is something I’ve just come to realize and will need to come to terms with.