18 months is a long time to go through all these ups and downs. Last night when I was faced with making the decision of whether to admit A to the hospital again or not I felt overwhelmed. I felt that hospitalization is such a HUGE decision. It is a huge undertaking and not one to be taken lightly. I just sat in my car trying to take deep breaths and prayed for the ability to make the right decision. Poor A didn’t ask to be put in this position. A position where she ends up in the hospital for 2 days every 15 days. Am I equipped to be making these decisions for her?
Of course this is not my decision alone, but I was by myself when I was having all these thoughts. I was driving to meet John where we were able to talk about this.
I am way past the “Woa is me” part of all of this. I realize that everyone has a cross to bear in life and this is just our family’s cross. But the part that I am truly stumped on still is wondering what we are supposed to be learning from this long, drawn out, non stable situation. Just when it seems we might have a plan in place for all of this, we let our guard down for a second and then we get the wind knocked out of us. Anyone else in this situation have advice for John and I on the lesson we are supposed to be learning? For some reason I feel I would be less anxious if I had insight into that.