Pandasmom said it would be ok if I also added to this site periodically. I thought I’d write a bit about how PANDAS was hard for me to even believe in at first in the hopes that it can help other dads listen to their wives more carefully.
For many many months I was just convinced that we weren’t parenting A correctly. I thought we were not being consistent and I thought our discipline just wasn’t strict enough. I also was convinced that she was in her terrible two’s and that for her it was just really bad.
I would come home from work and the house would just explode. A would be running around the house screaming and my wife would be at her wits end. As we would later find out the PANDAS was effecting A’s ability to deal with any changes in her environment with any reason. My arrival and my wife’s shifting to making dinner basically through her emotionally out of whack until she finally would go down for the night. The thing that sucked for me personally is this turned what was likely the best part of my day, coming home to my family, into the most stressful part of the day. All I could picture was the other dads in the neighbor hood coming home to hugs and kisses, for me it was screams and a irritated wife. 😦
Leaving for work was no different. That usually involved A telling me things like “I don’t love you when you go to work” followed by rages.
All this time I’m still thinking we just suck at being parents. It really wasn’t until I had spent a full hour trying to put A in a time out for who knows what that my wife decided something was medically wrong with her and we weren’t going to give up figuring it out. I grabbed the video camera and we taped the rage. The next day we met with our ped and showed her the video. We had met with our ped about behavior issues with A before but the video caused something to click for her. She now could see the rage we were dealing with and was able to help me see that this wasn’t normal and it wasn’t the terrible twos. That was the first time I actually was able to see A as sick, rather than as a kid with a discipline problem. To be continued.